Weekend wrap up

We visited another farmer's market last Saturday. This time, in Sanford. It is a wee little market, with only a few vendors, but it is a REAL farmer's market. Everything is actually LOCAL! Finally! We bought eggs, tomatoes and a couple of cucumbers. Next time, we're going to buy a loaf of bread and maybe some cheese.

My lemon tree is loaded. Last year, I gave a couple of bags to Steve's mom, but there were so many, I couldn't use them all. I refuse to let these beautiful lemons go to waste this year. I am lucky enough to live where citrus grows, and even luckier to have a lemon tree in my yard. I am going to honor this tree by using all of the lemons.

Last night, I made lemon bars. Steve and I ate a couple; the rest, I packed and sent to Steve's office with him this morning. Last Friday, I baked chocolate chunk cookies. Because I couldn't find the semisweet chocolate I like, based on a recommendation, I used bittersweet chocolate. Steve told me that everyone at his office was complimentary, but I prefer semisweet.

This is my cat, Hilda. It's a miracle this picture turned out; she is the squirmiest thing ever! She kept sniffing the lens and batting at the lanyard. As soon as I took this picture, she took another swat at the lanyard. 

Brighter Day!

Brighter Day!

Brighter Planet will offset a free day’s worth of carbon emissions in your name — all they ask is that you make an effort to conserve energy this holiday season. Please click on the words Brighter Day (highlighted above) to make it happen! Woo-hoo!!!!

Evolution

I met my friend Barbara at Starbucks Monday morning. She and I only get together a couple of times a year. I absolutely adore her, and wish we saw each other more. In fact, she is one of the people I most admire, and whose opinion most matters to me. It is because I admire her so much that it pains me to admit that I basically drove her away. She only gets together with me for the sake of old times. I am embarrassed by that truth, but I am also grateful for her company and wisdom.

I have known Barb since I was about 15 years old. She was my brother's friend. I liked her immediately, and was surprised that someone so cool would be friends with an asshole like my brother. We were always friendly, but I figured that she was nice to me because she's a nice person, and that was about it.

Fast forward fifteen years, and she and my brother are dating. I thought from the start that no good would come of the relationship. I warned her to end it before she got hurt. I would have loved to be related to her by marriage, but predictably, my brother screwed her over. She was devastated, and I always admired her so deeply that I indulged her desire to rant and vent. Anything to be friends with her - even if it meant enabling an unhealthy fixation on my brother.

A friendship - of sorts - was born.

For many years, I obsessed about my own fixation; my identity was that of a hurt and angry person, and all I talked about was how badly my family mistreated me. I was traumatized by family's choices where I was concerned, and I didn't even know it. It is so easy to reflect and ask, "How did I not see?" But, I didn't. I had no idea that that single obsession was driving everyone from me. 

I have learned, and I continue to heal and evolve. 

What do I do now? Everyone got sick of listening to the broken record that was me. Most of those people, I'll never get back. They closed the door, and put about 20 padlocks on it. I get it. I would have done the same. Who wants to be around a crazy, angry, vengeful nutcase? It is exhausting to be around people like that.

When Barb and I were at Starbucks Monday, it seemed like she could tell that things were different with me. She even suggested that we get together after the holidays. I want to believe that it is more than another pity get together. I'm going to go regardless.

In traffic

I was stuck behind this person yesterday. 

I agree with their message, but I think less of them for posting it all over the ass of their car.

"Week in Review"

On Tuesday of last week, my friend Linda told me that she was coming over to visit for a couple of days after Thanksgiving. I spent the next couple of days frantically cleaning my filthy home. She ended up not coming over. Unfortunately, the threat of company is the only thing that motivates me to clean my house, so I'm not even marginally upset that she changed her plans. Living in a clean home has been wonderful.

Linda & Bill, and Steve & I went to the Gaylord Palms for Thanksgiving dinner. It was okay. We had fun because the four of us always have a good time together, but as far as the restaurant goes, I wouldn't do it again. The restaurant's greed got the best of them; it wasn't enough to charge $42 per person, but they also stuffed every spare area with extra tables and chairs. The dining room was so cramped that it was difficult to get up from our seats. 

We spent Friday lazying around. 

We saw Four Christmases on Saturday. You'd think that for a splashy production with all kinds of big stars, they'd spring for a decent wig for Reese. Near the end of the movie, the tired wig they popped on Reese's head was a distraction. The movie didn't make any sense. Reese and Vince start out happily together, not married, but also feeling no obligation to define their relationship. They spend the movie trotting to the homes of their divorced parents (hence the name). The time spent with their parents sucked, and that somehow inpired a change of heart in Reese. By the time they pulled up to her father's home (the last stop on the Odyssey), Reese wants a relationship talk; wants to know where things are going. What???!!!!  There were a few laughs, but overall the movie failed. Meh.

We got up for the farmer's market on Sunday. I wanted to buy some eggs, but I got things confused. The local chicken farm doesn't sell eggs at this farmer's market. 

The Orlando Farmer's Market is more of a craft fair. There is only ONE veggie vendor. Wha?! One? Huh? I do not get all of the incense and candle vendors. Who is buying all of that incense?

We took a nice stroll around the lake. Because of the cold temperatures, the Cypress Trees are losing their needles. They remind me of fall foliage.

I've lived in Orlando all my life, and I've driven past Brian's countless times, and never stopped. I've read glowing reviews of Brian's places like here and here and here. Finally, I ate there.

The restaurant was dirty. The service was unfriendly. The food was disgustingly greasy/stale/burned. It was just gross. 

The sweet bun basket was a combo of sweet rolls and a powdered sugar coated fritter. The fritter tasted like fish sticks. The sweet roll was just okay. 

Bottom line: Avoid!

No, I don't want a "Fresh" strawberry or blueberry short stack. I don't care to have "Today's Special" either.

Tradition

Big Pine Key, November 2007

When I was growing up, holidays were a nightmare for me. 

I was an outsider in my family. For 363 days of the year, no one seemed to notice or care. But on Thanksgiving and Christmas, my mother demanded that our family present themselves as a cohesive, loving group. Even though we were anything but, she wanted people to think that we were a family worthy of tribute in a Norman Rockwell painting. What this all really meant was that I had to pretend to fit in, or I would be in big trouble. 

I was a crappy actress. I know this because even though I tried as hard as I could to behave as though it was normal for my family relate to me in a tender, loving way, I was punished. It sucked.

I am thankful that those years are behind me. I am thankful that Steve and I have developed our own traditions.

With the exception of this year, we typically vacation in the Keys over Thanksgiving. We take advantage of the four-day weekend; spending lazy days kayaking, hiking, biking, sleeping, browsing through shops and eating great food. It is unquestionably awesome. If we ever have children, we will continue to spend Thanksgiving in the Keys.

Christmas is quieter. Every other year, we visit his parents in South Carolina (although, one of their gifts from us this year is a webcam, so we may never go up there again). The year we stay home, we catch a movie at the Village and have lunch at Wolfgang Puck. That is also total awesomeness. The village is decorated beautifully, Christmas music is on the sound system and we're completely happy for it to be just the two of us (among the other thousand people with the same idea).

When we get home, we watch Christmas movies. For supper, we devour the Wolfgang Puck takeout we ordered specifically to eat at home.

I love our traditions.

I was about ten years old when I asked, "Mom? Do you believe in soul mates?" After she answered, "I think that you can love just about anyone if you really put your mind to it." I sat quiet. I didn't know what to say. It was clear that she did not think my father her soul mate, and worse, that she didn't believe in soul mates. 

I wanted her to believe so that I could believe.

Now that I am old(er), I understand what my mom was saying. I think.

About twelve years ago, I met Leif. After several months of knowing him, I came to believe that he was "the one". We weren't a couple long enough for us to transition beyond the you-are-awesome-I-am-awesome-lovey-dovey stage 1. Then, he went into the Peace Corps (be still my Liberal heart). 

At the time, I felt so grown-up about my unapologetically pragmatic attitude toward his leaving. I said so-long to Leif and wished him well in his work. Though, for many years after he left, I dreamt of his farm-boy smile and crystal blue eyes. My heart was broken, and I was not moving on.

I didn't know what to do.

Eventually, I began to date. No one compared to Leif. I was not optimistic that anyone ever would.

Then I met Steve.

At once, I was flushed and silly, and I knew that he was my second chance. He immediately began occupying the part of my heart that I didn't even realize lay dormant. I wasn't consciously waiting to serendipitously again cross paths with Leif. I wasn't consciously saving my heart for him. But I was, until I met Steve.

Once upon a time, I met the love of my life.

He was wonderful, and we were wonderful.

Then he moved away, and I moved on.

Then I got a second chance.

And I did not squander it.