Sunny Times

We're under a tornado watch. This kind of weather always freaks me out.

Yesterday, the weather was beautiful. It was the kind of weather that inspires sonnets; standing in the sun's rays, it felt like a cozy blanket, balmy and cool in the shade. Gentle breezes...I wanted to roll up my sleeves and attack the weeds that have crowded out nearly every flower in my garden. But, there were other tasks on yesterday's agenda.

I finished packing the gifts for Steve's family. We had little luck finding bio-degradable packing peanuts. Steve is the smart one - he finally checked online. Who'd a thunk it, but U-Haul sells them??!! There's a U-Haul around the corner, so that was easy enough. Got everything secured and tapped. FedEx 2-day ground, $35! Woo-hoo! I really thought it was going to be at least double.

Then, I drove to Mon Delice to buy two boxes of pastries for Steve's office. I always buy a variety, but it turns out that Steve's colleagues were partial to the eclairs and ignored everything else. That is a bummer. Not only was it a waste of money, but it was a waste of a special treat. Also, Steve thought I bought too many. He only wanted them for his group of 10. Okay, I'll remember that for next time. The good news is that Mon Delice probably has about nine new customers - like they need more business.

When I was in Mon Delice yesterday, hoping to avoid running into Pam, I tried to keep a low profile. She saw me. It was actually really nice to talk to her again, but I hate seeing people who I worked with at Disney. 

Working at Disney was not the same for me as it was for my friends. I hated it, and I felt trapped. I liked the idea of performing, but I'm not a performer, and there is not an extroverted bone in my body. Seeing old friends reminds me of a starkly sad time in my life. Retelling old stories reveals a glaringly spiteful and shallow person, and I am shamed. I don't laugh at the stories, I cringe. There is nothing about that time of my life that I want to relive.

I am finally comfortable with who I am, in fact I really like who I am now. If I was the person I am now, then, I would have quit working at Disney after my first summer. More than likely, I would have quit after the first week. I didn't connect with anyone there. I was quiet, studious and reserved, but friendly. Those qualities don't cut the mustard at Disney. I adapted to my environment in the ugliest possible way. I abandoned who I was, and who I wanted to be in favor of acting like an asswipe.

I acquired my Disney family being someone I'm not. I would never be friends with those people today. My decision to retreat from all things Disney has caused some hurt feelings. No one will believe me when I explain that they wouldn't have fun with me now. By their standards, I honestly believe that they would regard me as a fuddy-duddy and ask repeatedly, "What happened to Katie? She is SO boring!" I don't think I'm boring, I'm simply theorizing about their reaction to seeing me again.

Pam told me that an old friend - Jeff - has been frantically looking for me. I was surprised, but told her that I thought that Jeff and I should leave things as they are. I told her that all I ever wanted for Jeff was for him to be happy. I hope he's happy. She answered by sharing that he is "still high maintenance." Her words. Bingo. High maintenance. He sucked the life out of me.

Okey-dokey! There's dirty clothes to wash, a door to paint and dishes to clean. I'm off!